I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
