Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
