grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
