I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
