last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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