he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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