nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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