I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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