Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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