I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize