i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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