none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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