We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
