You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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