imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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