the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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