If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
