i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
