I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
