its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
