HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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