You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
