Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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