Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
