you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
