dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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