I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
