Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
