Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
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She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
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The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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