we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
