If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
