So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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