He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just want to make out with him forever
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
