I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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