Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
