Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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