Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
