Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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