omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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