Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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