Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
