dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
