After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
