well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
