Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You can't special order awesome
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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