The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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