I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
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Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
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Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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