I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
