Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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