Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
