So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
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Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
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This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize