broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize