you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
