My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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