no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
