I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
