I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Everyone says I win the strip club
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
