Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
