Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
