i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
