woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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