I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I think I just sharted jello shots
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