Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
