Do you still have your period?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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