my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize